It’s Nothing to Worry About BUT…

It’s Nothing to Worry About But…

Have you ever sat in your doctor’s office and heard her say, ”Well, I don’t think you need to worry about this, but I’d like you to see a surgeon.” (Or take another Xray or go to a specialist). In my head when I hear the work “but” alarms go off, fear leaps in and I begin planning for my funeral. I can fast forward in a nanosecond to the ultimate conclusion that I am dying.

I think we have a monumental fear of death in our culture—so much so that we spend millions of dollars on prevention, then billions more on feats of technological wizardry to cure whatever ails us. Our once firm faith can fly out the window as soon as someone we pray for to be cured dies instead. Why is this?

For one thing, death is not considered normal any more. We often put dying people away somewhere and we rarely have dead bodies lying in our living rooms for reviewals as in years gone past. Another reason we fear death is that the process has shifted from a spiritual realm to the realm of medicine and technology. It almost seems like a technological failure when a person dies, despite the fact that we all die. We even have health care directives to protect ourselves, in some cases, from too much medicine and to let our own final wishes be known. I heard a sobering but intriguing way to think about death in a  sermon recently in which the pastor said that fear of death may indicate that, ultimately, we may not take our faith or spiritual seriously. This is very challenging for me to hear but he added that if we could conceive of our death as the spiritual end of a satisfying and healed life and a reunion with our God, it would make for a different death experience.

I’m not saying these things to indicate that I have this all worked out. I get scared, just like everyone else, when I have a serious health scare. But I have learned that it all works out better if I bring my fear to God and ask God to show me how to proceed. I also ask for God’s clear presence with me so I can be fully present and not live in so much fear.

I had an example of God’s presence—and God’s droll humor—a few years ago in what, to me, was a medical scare. In a routine physical my doctor noticed that one of my ovaries was larger than the other. She grew immediately concerned but shielded me by saying, “It’s nothing to worry about BUT I’d like you to have an internal ultrasound.” I told her I had had surgery on my ovary and had some of it removed but she seemed not to hear me. I knew that her mother had just died at a young age and I supposed she was being overly cautious but I agreed to go for the test. Even with these facts I got scared that something bad was happening in my body.

I went home, made the appointment and began praying into my fear. I looked at what this could mean, what the message was, and what I was being taught by this experience. I was learning to trust God and to listen to my own truth from my body—that nothing was wrong. God told me clearly that Jesus would accompany me the whole way through this process and I would be OK no matter what.

When I got to the lab I met the gentleman who would be doing the procedure. As we met I could tell he was Hispanic and he said he was from Spain. During this uncomfortable procedure we talked about Spain, where I had spent time and we talked of his family. At the end of the procedure he was kind enough to tell me that he could tell that part of one ovary had been removed but he could see no further issues. I breathed a sigh of relief that I did not have to wait a few more days to find that out.

I told him I had brought some chocolate to give him if the procedure was done with as little discomfort as possible. He said “thanks” and that I could leave the chocolate at the front desk for him. When I asked his name he said it was Jesus (pronounced Hey-sous). I chuckled inside because it was now clear that God had done exactly what he had promised—had Jesus accompany me the whole way through this process.

It seems to me that whenever I get scared because of an illness or fearful about  my end-of-life process it reveals that there are still issues “under the rug” for me to embrace. In this case, trusting God with the whole process no matter what the outcome. And if I had not addressed my fear with God I would have missed God’s assurance of Jesus’ presence—and I certainly would have missed the humor of my Spanish tech Jesus.

By facing into each fear or issue more fully, with God’s help I feel life becomes fuller and freer. Our lives are in God’s hands anyway so whatever happens we know God is present and is accompanying us along the way, not always rescuing us or giving us all that we want, but holding us and loving us and those we love in all circumstances. This holy presence also helps us make courageous and wise choices, not out of fear but out of hope and love.

And I believe this deep intimate faith, accompanied by friends and supporters who are not afraid of death, help us deal with our health issues as an integral part of our spiritual journey—so we can both live and die well.

ÓJanet O. Hagberg, 2011. All rights reserved.

Reflections on this essay

When have you had a medical scare that you turned over to God?

How did God appear in your situation?

What did you learn from the experience about you and about God?

How do you view your end-of-life from a spiritual perspective?

How does your medical team respond to your faith?

How do you sense God helping you discern different medical choices?