Blessing Janet, by Barry Thomas

Blessing Janet (and Others in Your Life)

In their book The Critical Journey, Robert A. Guelich and our beloved Janet O. Hagberg write, “Those who have been through this stage (The Journey Inward Stage) themselves and may be specially trained in spiritual direction, spiritual formation, or pastoral counseling are unique people and are to be sought out.”

In 2004 that is exactly what I did. I sought out Janet Hagberg. I wanted to learn from her wisdom, her experiences and her heart. And she responded. I met with her and a friendship was born. Over the last 12 years, Janet has been a tremendous source of encouragement and inspiration. She models the relationship with God I want to have. She has served as a mentor and guide through a transformational way of living. And my guess is she has done the same for you in some way…through this blog, her website (http://www.janethagberg.com/), her books, her teaching, her ministry or through her everyday way of life.

This is my last blog entry for At River’s Edge, so I want to take the opportunity to invite any of you who has been blessed by Janet to return the favor and send her a blessing. The best way to do this is through her website: http://www.janethagberg.com/contact.html. Let her know what it is you appreciate about her or her ministry.

I’ll go first:

Janet,

I appreciate your willingness to help people grow and heal. I appreciate the way you not only listen to God, but surrender to His voice. I appreciate the way you live simply and modestly which opens you up to God even more. I appreciate your listening ears. And I appreciate your friendship and encouragement.

 

Speaking of blessings…

Is it more difficult for you to give a blessing or receive a blessing? Here is what I have noticed about myself when it comes to blessings:

• It is more difficult for me to receive blessings than to give them. Receiving a blessing has been an area of growth for me. The more I see myself as being loved by God, the more I am able to receive blessings from God and others.
• Sometimes it is difficult for me to give blessings verbally especially if I think the person is “fishing” for a compliment or acknowledgement in some way.
• Giving a blessing verbally can feel vulnerable for me.
• I am much better at giving blessings in written form through cards, emails and text messages than through verbally speaking them. For me it feels safer and the words I write are more thought out and meaningful.

My wife and I used to read to our kids each night from a book of blessings called Bless your Children Every Day by Dr. Mary Ruth Swope. It is full of simple blessings to read over your kids in areas such as courage, abundance, abilities, a free spirit, humility, and much, much more. Our kids ate it up! They craved the times we read from the book. And after a while, my wife and I started making up our own personal blessings for the kids. I highly recommend this practice for parents.

The most common “mistake” made when giving a blessing is when the blessing is limited to praise for accomplishments, achievements and a job well done. It is more important to praise someone (anyone, not just your kids) for WHO they are, not for what they DO. The easiest way to do this is to think of character traits you see in the other person. If you are like me, it helps to have a cheat sheet. Character First is a curriculum that teaches on 49 different character traits. So here is what I do: I cheat. I look at the list of 49 character traits and pick a couple or a few (sometimes I may only see one) from the list that I see in that person. Click here to see the list and definitions: http://www.characterfirst.com/assets/CFDefinitions.pdf

So now I encourage you to practice giving a blessing. Give a blessing to Janet. Give a blessing to your loved ones, Give a blessing to your friends.

In fact, I dare you to try an experiment!

The Experiment

1. Select one person to bless this week.
2. Look at the list of 49 traits and pick 3 traits that are exhibited in the person you selected.
3. Choose a way to deliver the blessing: speaking it verbally; writing it in a card, a note, an email or a text.
4. Start the blessing by saying, “I appreciate you because you are ___________________.”
5. Notice what goes on inside your heart after giving the blessing.
6. Notice how the relationship with that person changes over the next few days or weeks after giving the blessing.

I pray that this exercise is a powerful experience for you.

Barry Thomas

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hanging Up My Cleats, by Janet Hagberg

Dear Subscribers,

As they say in baseball, “I’m hanging up my cleats” and ending my regular blogging activity. I’ve experienced more than five years of grace in which to write what is on my heart and what God gave me to say. Hopefully I’ve done so with a wee bit of compassion, vulnerability and humor.

Now my work in the realm of spiritual and emotional healing is taking up much of my time and energy.I will leave the past blog posts up and available for people to access, since I get a steady stream of searches for certain posts (the ones on forgiveness, family estrangement, and amends). And you just ever know, you may hear from me in unexpected ways when the spirit moves me:-)

I thank you for receiving my words and for occasionally responding to me either in person or in posts. Thanks for being so self reflective and vulnerable yourselves.Thank you for absorbing the love of God more deeply as a result. God really does adore us…and counts on us to be extensions of his love in the world.

Thanks to all my guest bloggers as well. I’ve enjoyed and learned from your posts. You’re written amazing and heartfelt essays, reflections and poetry. You have made this space shine with your words. Jessica Sanborn, Michael Bischoff, Tracy Mooty, Bobbie Spradley, Barry Thomas, Chelsea Forbrook.

Today the last post is from my friend, Barry Thomas. As you will see he pulled a little trick on me, knowing I was stepping down from blogging. Since I don’t edit guest blogger’s words I am self consciously allowing him to shower me with love–on Valentine’s Day.

So I leave you with deep gratitude and appreciation for this opportunity to reach out to the wider world with God’s love.

Warmly,

Janet Hagberg

In Celebration, by Tracy Mooty

 

In Celebration

 

As a gift to myself for my upcoming sixtieth birthday, I signed up for a writing retreat in northern Minnesota.  I have always loved to write; in fact, I’ve lived much of my life with pencil in hand.  I’ve written journal entries, letters, papers, prayers, poems, retreats, and eulogies.  Writing has long been my way of making sense of my life, but with little formal training, I thought this might be a wonderful time to learn more.

 

Though the writing portions of this retreat were mostly helpful and engaging, what I soon learned is that God wanted to use these four threshold days before my birthday to nourish me in mind, body, and spirit, to offer me time to remember what is important and to put my precious life in perspective.

 

My room, partly underground, was like a small, pine planter box that readily became my haven.  Its simplicity, with space enough for bed, desk, chair, and sink, graciously kept my focus on rest and the germinating seeds of my writing.  I spent many hours there feeling safe and held.

 

We began and ended each day in the chapel for twenty minutes of silent meditation.  One flame on a center table served as the orienting point for those who gathered.  Each morning I opened my spirit with a resounding “Yes” to whatever the day might hold, and each evening I invited my spirit to close the day with a resounding “Thank You” for what had been.

 

Mealtimes were sacred events.  We would begin with a prayer or blessing, sometimes spoken, sometimes sung, always thanking God for our sustenance.  The host for each meal would then give a detailed description of the meal that had been carefully prepared including the intention behind the menu and the source of the various foods.  Loving attention had been paid to every detail.

 

 

I took a long four-mile walk every day either on the road past the open fields or through the woods.  Using a wonderful healing prayer I learned from Father Matt Linn, for the first mile, I would take all that was heavy in my heart and lift it up to God; for the second mile, I would open myself to all the love and light God wanted to pour into my open hands; for the third mile, I would wrap myself from head to toe in the light and love I received; and for the fourth mile, from the abundance I had been given, I would ask God to show me for this day all the ways I could share this light and love with others in my life.

 

One day as I returned from my walk and came up the long driveway to the turnaround, I was greeted by a pile of stones or a cairn, created by one of the retreatants.  Of all the writing prompts thus far, this visual evoked the most interest in me.  As I sat there for much of the afternoon, I was first reminded of how cairns were used in Biblical times as a sign or memorial of what God had done.  I was then led to see the cairn before me in a similar way, as a marker of God’s handiwork in the six decades of my life.

…………………….

 

Landmark

 

I can see now

how each stone

has been carefully

lovingly placed

decade upon decade

 

First wonder, stable and round,

the delight of discovery

 

Followed by angst, edgy and lopsided,

the uncertainty of belonging

 

 

Next focus, polished and sharp,

the vitality of contribution

 

Then connection, smooth and wide,

the power of love

 

And purpose, deep and textured,

the gift of life

 

Onto change, narrow and worn,

the impact of transition

 

I pause here

to remember, to give thanks

for the years of light and shadow

that have brought me here

all necessary in their own way

to the overall creation

 

Whatever the story and shape

of this next stone

I claim my intention

to savor what has been

to celebrate what is

to embrace what will be

and to trust, to trust

this foundation upon which

I am being formed

 

 

…………………….

 

For place, for prayer, for provision, for people, for perspective,

I give thanks.  Amen.

 

Reflection Questions

 

~What elements of your life does God want you to notice, to appreciate?

 

~How would you describe each of the decades of your life thus far?

 

~What about your life are you being invited to see from God’s perspective?

 

 

c Tracy Mooty, 2015.  All Rights Reserved.

 

My Beatitudes

My Two Versions of a Beatitude

Janet O. Hagberg

Beatitude Poem: French Pantoum form

Stanza 1:

Blessed are you who receive God’s unconditional love

Blessed are you who learn to love yourself

Blessed are you who embrace your shadows

Blessed are you who show compassion to others

 

Stanza 2:

Blessed are you who learn to love yourself

Blessed are you who bring your gifts to the world

Blessed are you who show compassion to others

For your life will be transformed

 

Stanza 3:

Blessed are you who bring your gifts to the world

Blessed are you who embrace your shadows

For your life will be transformed

Blessed are you who receive God’s unconditional love

c Janet O. Hagberg, 2014. All rights reserved.

 

My Original Beatitude

Blessed are you who created me along with every leaf and bird and animal and snowflake; and now watch over us all

Blessed are you who know me inside and out and shower me with your love

Blessed are you who weep when I weep and laugh when I laugh

Blessed are you who make plans for my growth in ways too deep for words

Blessed are you who pick me up when I fall and hold me until the fear transforms me

Blessed are you who choose to use all of my weaknesses and imperfections to display your glory and power

Blessed are you who bring forth joy and gladness out of my pain when I attend to it with courage

Blessed are you who make your home in me

Blessed are you

c Janet O. Hagberg, 2014. All rights reserved.

 

Reflections on these beatitudes

Which lines resonate most with you?

How does God most bless your life?

How do you bless God’s life in you?

What is your gratitude beatitude?

Your Fire Consumes my Fears

Psalm 21 (excerpts)

Forever I will put my trust in You;

and as I abandon myself to you in love,

I am assured of peace.

You root out my fears; standing

firm beside me as I face

the shadows within.

Like a blazing sun your light shines.

My fears flee from your sight;

your fire consumes them.

Generations to come will sing

to your glory

In gratitude and joy for your

saving power.

For You put fears to flight,

that love and justice might reign.

All praise be yours, O Wondrous One!

Forever will I sing and  honor

your saving grace.

Translation by Nan Merrill

Reflections on this Psalm:

How have you abandoned yourself to God?

What shadows has God helped you to face?

How has God consumed your fears?

What are you most grateful for?

What good is gratitude?

When I get into really tough places–caught in a deadly addiction, ready to jump ship in a precarious work situation, leaving a dangerous relationship, facing financial crises—I get paralyzed with anxiety. When I can sit down and calm myself for a few minutes I usually find that a few simple things help me begin to sort out my crises. These are the first things I do and they usually lead me to the more life-giving actions or decisions.

These things are deceptively simple yet they calm my soul enough that I can think more clearly. I wrap myself in an afghan that was a gift from a dear friend. I can feel her arms around me as I do this. Along with that I drink soothing tea and just sit down for a while. I may call or email an understanding friend or get my feelings out on paper, especially my fears.  I always pray and I can be assured that this will quiet down the clamoring voices inside me that are vying for my attention.

Over the years, though, I’ve found two other things that are equally important but not so obvious ways to ground myself and help me more forward. One is to recount what I am grateful for and the other is to reach out to others, to be of comfort to them. These both seem counter intuitive, especially when I am so afraid, but they almost always work.

One indelible memory I have is of a very low point in my life. My mother had just died, suddenly and at a young age. I needed desperately to go back to school and I had not been accepted into the program I wanted. My marriage was in stress and I had a bad cold. I was walking across a parking lot from my car to a class at the University. I remember feeling despondent and hopeless. As I walked I heard this inner voice say, “Well, is there anything you are grateful for?” I had to pause for a long time. What a powerful question. Was there anything I was grateful for? Slowly a very short list began to form in my mind.

I was grateful for the sunshine

I was grateful for my mind

I was grateful that I was alive

That was about all I could muster for that first try but it got me moving slowly on a new track—a track of focusing on what I had rather than on what I didn’t have. It did not change my situation but it allowed me to consider a different perspective, a way to balance the things that were changing with the things that were stable.

One other time I remember the role gratitude had in giving me a new perspective. I was in a very stressful work situation and I was about to jump ship. I do this because I don’t want to fail and I’m afraid to stay with something and be part of the stabilization. This time my spiritual director helped me stay the course by asking me to consider staying but with this assignment. She asked  me to cut a lot of quarter sized circles out of paper and then write each day, the thing I was most grateful for, and put them all in a box. At the end of a month I took them out to read them all. And at the end of two months I read them again. I was amazed, not only with the simplicity of the things that I was most grateful for—a phone call from a friend, my cat purring in my lap, a cup of tea—but also the miracles I experienced that I may not have noticed, like new sources of funding, forgiveness from a friend, standing firm in conflict, or visions of peace in my heart.

Now when I get into a difficult place it helps me to just start a list of all the things I am grateful for. Over time I have come to a new experience of gratitude. I call it my deep truth. My deep truth is that out of my painful experiences I have gained things that I am very grateful for. These experiences were not all bad, not all loss, not all to be avoided. I can even see, on my good days, that most of what has happened to me has allowed me to grow, to change, or to have more compassion for others. Failing in a work project taught me to go forward in spite of not succeeding; being in an abusive relationship has taught me how to have healthy boundaries and how to find my own worth. Giving up a life style taught me more dependence on God. From all of these difficult circumstances I can see ways in which they formed me into a more whole and compassionate person. Some people experience bankruptcies that save them from the rat race; cancer brings some people to their feelings in new ways.

Do I want to repeat my most painful experiences? No. But were they worthwhile? Absolutely. And now when I write my gratitude list it is considerably longer, even when I am stressed. Here are a few things on my list:

The faithful love of God                                             Baseball

Friends who laugh with/at me                                 Hope, in difficult times

My cat, Mr. Nelson                                                       Recovery

The richness of not wanting                                      Cultural diversity

Challenges that draw me to God                              Dark chocolate

Generosity of others                                                   Prayer and quiet

Quilting and the quilt group                                     Mentoring/meaningful work

Letting go—on my good days                                   Healing and forgiveness

Youth and young adults in my life                           Tango dancing

The sunshine                                                              The gift of writing this essay

MJ Ryan, writing the last essay in her wonderful book, Attitudes of Gratitude, cites three different kinds of gratitude. The first is the wonder and simple response to a gift. Thank you. It is a gratefulness for getting what we like or what we want.

The second form of gratitude is what I have been describing here, being grateful for the unexpected gifts or lessons that come along with hard times or experiences of suffering. It is a more subtle and, perhaps, deeper from of gratitude which begins a journey of transformation within us and changes the lens through which we view the world.

The third form of gratitude is the most elusive. This is a life lived in gratitude and undergirded with pure joy—no matter what happens. Ryan says it is like a breath of thanksgiving with every inhalation of air, no matter what is going on in the world. This type of gratitude is usually reserved for saints but who knows, perhaps if we pray and ask for this approach to life, this attitude of trust in the ultimate benevolence of all things, we could catch a glimpse of what God is waiting to do when our lives and hearts are open.

©Janet O. Hagberg, 2009. All rights reserved.

Reflections on this essay

What are you most grateful for in your life now?

What helps you the most when you feel yourself getting “down?”

What situation in life taught you the most about being grateful?

Which of the three kinds of gratitude do you most resonate with and why?  getting things from others, lessons learned from pain, or pure joy no matter what is happening?