What I Do When I’m Sad and Blue

What I Do When I’m Sad and Blue

I love life when things are going along well and I’m feeling that I am in sync with God and my inner calling. But there are many times when that is not the case, when I face conflict, when I lose someone, when I am anxious about health or finances, or when I don’t feel adequate. At those times I forget most of those well-intentioned practices that work well in times of calm. How can I find my way back to a place of calm, even in the chaos?

I decided to make a list of the things that I have found useful in bringing me back to a state of assurance or less anxiety. I use this list when I’m in a dark place, just to remind me that I don’t need to force myself out of the dark but look into the dark and see where God is and what I am learning.

Seek prayer as my center point: I seek out my quiet place inside, my inner hesychia, the place where God dwells. I may need to go to prayer several times a day when I am in a fragile state, lest I get too far down the path of self-pity, self-hate or blame. I take whatever emotions I have to prayer; anger, sadness, fear, abandonment, revenge. I tell God all about it and journal my feelings. Sometimes I’m mad at God and I need to vent directly to God about my life. What matters is that I am real and vulnerable and authentic while at the same time not wallowing for too long in these emotions.

Experience gratitude: There is always something that I can be grateful for, even in bleak times. Maybe I’m grateful that the sun came up or that my cat sat in my lap. Whatever it is I need to name it so gratitude becomes the foundation of hope in my darkness. I believe in a God who acts and heals, who teaches me how to live while in the darkness. When I look for examples of what God has already done in my life I feel a boost of gratitude.

Keep eternity in view: I try to remember that the big picture of my life may feel very different from the little picture I am living right now, that this dark time is part of a much larger view of my life. God’s view is the long view, the eternal purpose, not just the current mess I’m in. So I ask God to show me how this time is part of that larger purpose so I can stay with this process of growth and healing. As a result I develop more compassion for others.

Expect miracles: There will always be pain. That’s a given. But I can look for and expect joy in the midst of pain. Joy and miracles; people helping and even sacrificing for others; healing and restoration; a willingness to endure for a larger purpose; love growing at a deeper level. If I look for the joy it is more apparent, sometimes in humorous ways, like finding several coins in one day, hearing a song with a special message just for me, or getting a surprise gift.

Reach out to others: I can get out of touch with reality if I get too isolated or too busy. Either is lethal for me! I’ve found that reaching out to others in a loving gesture, like baking for someone, or responding to someone’s needs help put my life in perspective. One day when I was particularly anxious about my life and work I had a call from a person who had just gotten fired. I talked to her for thirty minutes and at the end, I felt better, just because I was able to be present to her.

Secure a team of supporters: It is vital for me to have people I can go to for support, love and care. They need to be good listeners but also a source of accountability and honesty. It helps if they know me well enough not to let me get caught in unhealthy behavior from my past. I need a variety of kinds of support, which include a spiritual director, soul mates, a small support group, a spiritual direction group, church groups, and a centering prayer group. These people hold me accountable without judging me, support me without bolstering my ego and encourage me to take radical risks for God’s sake.

Develop oases: I need places, activities and people that are respites from the storm. I will just list what oases I have developed that work for me. Sanctuaries in nature, intimate friends, quilting, baseball, beauty, creativity, writing, reading, cat-on-my lap time, coffee shops, being with twenty somethings, music, and retreats.

Pursue self-care: Especially in times of great loss or stress I need to up the ante on my self-care. I’m fortunate to have several practices of self care in place so it is just a matter of doing them more, but I’ve found when my body knows that I’m caring for it, it responds better to all the stress around me. These need to be low cost, like walking, exercises, rest, healthy food, quilting, movies, rest between activities, silence and prayer, therapeutic message, back rubs, humor, being with friends.

Practice forgiveness: I try to work continuously on letting go of resentment, remorse, and revenge. These emotions result in various bodily aches and pains. I process the feeling and the person, pray over it, and let time help me heal. Sometimes I go more deeply into the experience and use a ritual of healing to complete the work. Then I can either release the toxic people or make amends. The most important person for me to pray for and forgive is, of course, myself.

Finding God and healing in the darkness: I find God most in the darkness when I cease striving to just get out of the darkness. These are the paradoxes that have shed the most healing light on my path. It all begins in my own heart and soul, nowhere else. That is the place to begin the process.

© Janet O. Hagberg, 2009. All rights reserved.

Reflecting on this essay
When you get sad and blue what do you do that is most helpful?

Which new things do you think would be useful to you?

What is most likely to trigger your sad or blue times?

How do you experience God in these times?

Our Bodies as Temples

Our Bodies as Temples: God as Bodiographer

It has taken me a long time to consider my body as a good place for me to live. So to consider my body as a temple of God is a holy stretch. My body felt like my betrayer, my enemy, my challenge, my source of embarrassment and shame but certainly not my friend. How could God even consider my body a dwelling place, desiring to be at home there? I shuddered to think about it.

If I were to write an auto-bodiography, the first half of my story would be a slowly evolving tragedy. Although I was athletic and took well to most sports and outdoor activities, I did not eat well or listen to my body when it called for modification. So I ended up with frozen shoulders from over work and major surgery from the stress of staying too long in a lethal business partnership. I didn’t know how to grieve all the losses I experienced in my younger years so I stuffed the grief and it lodged in my body.

And my sexuality was a source of pain and sadness for decades. From a childhood of religious fear and repression about my sexuality, I emerged a naïve and vulnerable young adult. I was not prepared to cope with sexual harassment from a boss or sexual issues in my married life. I had no mentors or role models. In fact no one talked about their sexuality. I tried to figure it out myself. I acted out. I doubted my worth, questioned my loveability. I would not have even thought of bringing God into my body because I thought God was part of the source of my pain, bringing me shame and a sense of worthlessness.

It wasn’t until I entered spiritual direction that I even considered that God might want to dwell within me, in my body—and that was quite uncomfortable at first. The closer I got to God, the more I realized that God not only wanted to live within me, God wanted to heal my body, my cellular memory of abuse and harassment, my poor sexual self image, my shame and complicity in allowing ill treatment, my grief about my treatment of others. Once God entered with me on this healing journey I had more confidence that one day I might see myself as whole, attractive and loveable. It is not an easy journey and it is life-long, but I’ve found it to be graced and life-giving. I sought out books and people who had healthy body images, took a few workshops and prayed for healing. I decided to make this journey with my body primarily a spiritual journey and it took me beyond facts and techniques, even beyond medical information, to that place where the journey connected with my soul. That made all the difference. God guided me on this journey. God became my bodiographer.

One major change I needed to make was to reframe my relationship with my body. It slowly became my friend, my messenger, my early warning system, my truth teller. I found out my body wanted to take care of me and heal me. It never lies. It tells the truth because my cells remember. So now I listen to my body. When I am taking on too much responsibility my shoulders ache. When I am not nurturing myself my stomach hurts. When I am in the presence of an abusive person my abuse muscle (across my right scapula) quickly tightens. When my center of gravity is shifting to a new place in my life or I am fearful about money, my lower back aches. When I am afraid to move forward, my hips act up. Many times my body knows what I need before my brain acknowledges it. If I ignore or bypass the messages they often hang on or get worse.

I still use the benefits of modern medicine but I listen equally to my inner messages. Heeding the message is sometimes difficult, if, for instance, the abusive person I am reacting to is an employer, friend or client. But I’ve learned that wisdom comes from trusting and then acting on the message. Now I can say no to inappropriate touch and not even feel guilty. And if I am making a major decision I often put it out on the table and see how my body reacts to it before I step forward. Sometimes my body tries to protect me from old pain/fear by warning me about going forward. So I need to soothe and reassure it, if I feel God is calling me to move. If it relaxes with my reassurance, I go forward. With my body’s help, I can discern what is a life-giving challenge and what is too risky.

I’ve learned that my body responds well to self-care. If I am good to my body it responds to my love. Even when I am in pain, if I do simple things to soothe my body it seems grateful. For instance, when I am feeling low or my back aches I go for a walk. My body craves the slow motion of walking and the fresh air. Oh, and dancing. It is pleasure and exercise all rolled into one. Dancing to slow rhythms allows me to move in ways that gently stretch and work my muscles. Two other body responses that I find particularly dear are tears of meaning and chuckles of joy. Whenever either of those happens spontaneously I know my body is in sync with my spirit.

God has taught me that no matter what pain I’ve had or even caused in my body, it is still a temple of God, where God dwells. God always offers a healing touch. I do not have to be cleaned out or disinfected for God to dwell in me. God desires me as I am, no matter how I look or feel. I may never be cured of my maladies but I can heal my memories and be a witness to God’s spirit dwelling within me. I do not need to become my pain. My pain can become my friend.

And wonder of wonders, my own healing has become part of my calling; to be a safe place of conversation and healing for people with body issues, particularly for young adults. They crave having someone listen respectfully to their stories about their bodies and their sexuality as they explore their vision of themselves as temples in which God dwells.

© Janet O. Hagberg, 2010. All rights reserved.

Reflections on this essay

When you consider your body God’s temple what issues emerge?

What is your auto-bodiography? Where is your joy and pain in that history?

How is God involved with your body in its healing?

How do you care for your body?

How to you listen to your body? What are its unique messages to you?